Before you buy that ball so that you can play catch with your son, or before you buy that shotgun to keep the boys away from your baby girl, you must first of course have a baby. Many times we assume that we know what raising a child is like because we have watched tons of tv, seen “The Miracle of Life” in high school, know someone who had a baby, or saw some kids playing with their parents in the park. Don’t believe the hype!! Once that baby comes, SH*T GETS REAL!! What I’ve decided to do, was to write a post that will help you prepare for what is to come. Let’s take this step by step. Be sure to comment if you feel that I have left some items off the list!!!

1. Things that I recommend that you ask for at your baby shower:

a.) The Ergo Baby: The Ergo baby is a baby carrier, that is totally comfortable, and allows you the ability to carry your child on your back or on the front of your body without hurting your back. It is ergonomically sound hence the name the Ergo Baby. It can be a bit pricey, but I loved it. It leaves your hands free, and able to move around without being hindered by having to carry your child. The one I got was organic, so there were no worries when the baby was chewing on the fabric.

b.) The Diaper Genie: There are many versions of this device, and I am not saying that you have to get this specific brand, but the Diaper Genie was a life saver. Instead of plopping dirty diapers into the trash which causes a horrible stench, and will leave you taking out the trash more often than you should, you can just put them into this device, and take them out when the device is full.

c.) Diapers: You will never have enough diapers. Some people use cloth which is cool, and can cut down costs, but if you aren’t really big on rinsing the poop out of the diapers, then washing them, then you might just purchase regular diapers like I did. In order for you to cut back on your initial costs, I would recommend asking for diapers.

d.) A Crib: If your family is willing to pitch in a couple of hundred bucks, I would ask for a crib, but if you are like others of us, this may be a purchase that you have to make on your own.

e.) Clothes: Kids grow out of clothes so fast at this age, so I would welcome clothes in a bunch of different sizes. Every 3 months or so you will have to upgrade your child’s wardrobe, so you should not just focus on newborn outfits, but think a few months down the road otherwise you will be stuck with a bunch of clothes that you only got to use for a short while. Make sure you get warm clothes as well, your child will need to be bundled up.

f.) A Breast Pump: A good breast pump is a great investment. Not only will it allow your partner the ability to pump milk and store it, but it will also allow her the ability to relieve some of the pressure that builds up within her breast when it fills up with milk.

g.) Bottles: You have to feed the baby somehow, and you can never have enough bottles. Some will get lost, others might eventually malfunction, you will leave some at restaurants etc. Bottles are a necessity.

h.) Toys for your child: Don’t get anything too crazy. The basic chew toys (sounds like a dog), play mat, stuffed animals, and things of that nature are sufficient. Your baby will not be able to really move for a while, so buying a bunch of toys is pointless at this point and time. They have organic toys that are colored with vegetable based paints as well. Make sure that you don’t go crazy.

i.) A Swing: The swing that plays soothing music has saved me so many times. Your child may prefer one of the other variations of this device, but the swing worked for me. It keeps your child rocking, plays music, and allows you the ability to have some time to roam freely, and not have to worry about holding your child.

j.) A jogging stroller: If you are planning to work out after the child is born, make sure that you purchase a jogging stroller so that you can effectively do so.

k.) Baby proofing stuff: The baby won’t be able to effectively move for a while, but you want to be prepared for when he or she is able to crawl, walk, etc.

(Make sure that the room is prepped, crib set up, and everything is a good to go, way in advance of the baby arriving. The worse thing that could happen is that the baby comes early, and you have to go to the house by yourself and try to do everything in a rush)

2. Preparing for the hospital:

a.) Bring a change of clothes: You may end up sleeping in the clothes that you have on, so make sure that you bring a change of clothes. Be sure to bring toothpaste, toothbrushes, deodorant, razors, q-tips, or whatever else you usually have when you wake up in the morning etc.

b.) Make sure that your partner is dressed comfortable: You hear wild stories of girls putting make up on, and trying to look cute during the process of having a baby, and I assure you that there is no way to look cute at this time. She might as well dress comfortable, and get ready to deliver the baby. If she wants to put make up on, or whatever afterwards to take pictures, that’s fine, but don’t expect her to look like a Cover Girl model while in labor.

c.) Bring comfort food: Make sure that your partner is comfortable, and have stuff that you both like to snack on for the time that you are in the hospital. There is nothing worse than being nervous AND starving at the hospital.

d.) Bring Music: If she is into music, bring music that will allow her the ability to try and take her mind off of what is coming out of her vagina….lol…if music does the trick, BRING IT!!

e.) Make a list of people to call: The worse thing possible is to forget to tell someone that the baby is coming. Make a list, and notify the people that you want to know. By having a list, you ensure that no one is left out of the loop because your mind is elsewhere.

f.) Make sure your bags are packed in advance (self explanatory)

g.) Compliment your partner: She’s big, she’s bloated, she feels fat, she feels ugly, she about to push a bowling ball through a zipper hole, so tell her she looks fabulous, and encourage her along the way. She may yell at you, take it in stride, and stay supportive. If you were pushing a football out of your penis you may get a little crazy as well.

h.) Buy her some flowers: If you don’t understand this, then you are lucky to still be with her, or to even have gotten the chance to impregnate her. Remember that they say that she can’t have sex for a while after she comes home from the hospital, so if you want her to “hook you up” when she gets out of the hospital, you better be willing to “hook her up” before lmao!!

i.) Be prepared to do some running around: She can’t leave the hospital, so you are going to have to go out and grab the things that you all forgot.

j.) Talk about how you want to parent the baby. Talk about spanking vs. not spanking, try to touch on as much things as possible prior to the baby’s arrival. If you and the mother of the child (baby momma) aren’t together, try to work on a schedule etc. before the child arrives.

3. The Baby Is Here Now What?

a.) In the beginning, especially if your partner is breast feeding, you may not feel as though you are needed. You will notice that the baby will wake up, cry, and need to be fed. You may pick the baby up, and try to soothe him or her only to notice that he or she needs the mother, and not you. Don’t feel discouraged. While you are unable to feed the baby from your breast you must realize that the baby is merely trying to quench our number 1 desire, the desire to eat. Don’t take it personal, realize that at this time there is nothing that you can do, but support your partner.

b.) Learn how to change diapers, swaddle, and care for your baby. While typically we don’t feel that these are manly duties, you will find that changing diapers, swaddling, and caring for your baby will in fact build an early bond between you and the child. You will also get some experience (good, bad, and funny), that you will later reflect upon as the child gets older.

c.) Be there to experience EVERYTHING! I remember watching my daughter discover that she had hands. She put her hand in front of her face, and opened and closed it. All of the small moments that make her who she is today, I was there for them, and they were amazing. All of the stuff I used to hate about parents, I eventually embodied. I used to hate when people showed me pictures of their kids, and tell me that he/she had teeth, or could walk. I used to say, “Isn’t that what they are supposed to do?” Now here I am typing a blog, and posting hundreds of pictures of my kids on my Facebook page. Having a child will change you.

d.) Let having a child change you. If you were hard, and stubborn before, and now find yourself in softening out, go with it. It’s ok to express love to your child, and to show some emotion if that is what you are feeling.

e.) Be supportive of your partner.

f.) If you feel that she’s fat, don’t say that. You can however offer to go to the gym together. On the flip side if you are a tad bit chubby yourself, you have no right to talk about her….ha ha ha.

g.) When your child transitions to the bottle, take time to feed your child, don’t make it entirely her responsibility. The role of the father is forever changing, try to be as involved as possible in every aspect of your child’s life.