I was recently talking to one of the parents that I know about the idea of reverse diversity. What is reverse diversity? This is a term that I have coined to explain the idea of having to find ways for a child who is of a specific color to be able to meet children of the same color. I will explain what sparked this idea, and you can tell me what you think. My daughter who is now 8 years old is enrolled in a Spanish immersion school. These schools are typically highly competitive, have extremely long waiting lists, and teach your child to speak, read, and write in Spanish starting in kindergarten. My third grader is already fluent in Spanish, and loves her school. Being progressive parents, we love her school too, and are happy that these types of programs exists. Here lies the dilemma. Being such a specialized school, my daughter is one of a handful of black students enrolled in this program, and while she has tons of friends of other races, she doesn’t get the opportunity to interact with other black children on a regular basis.
Being a minority parent, you want your child to have a firm grasp of who they are, and where they come from as well as being able to interact with children of other races. While I can teach my child about black history, our family history, and give her books to read, I have seen where a lack of interaction between black children and their peers can lead. While I was at San Diego State University which had a 2% black population at the time, I used to run into black women who advised that they despised black men, and I also ran into black men who refused to date black women. Being that my daughter is biracial, and that I too have dated outside of my race, I didn’t mind that these black men and women liked dating outside of their race, what shocked me was the stereotypes that they carried about the men and women within their own race. Upon conversating with them further, I learned that they were raised in areas where they did not interact with people of their same race on a regular basis, and thus judged the men and the women within their own race based on hearsay, or the experiences of others. Coming from Oakland, California, I was shocked to hear this coming from people of the same color. As my journey continued, I found that this was not solely something that afflicted the black community, but I met Asians that said they disliked Asians, and so on and so forth. While in college, I never really thought about it too much, but once I had a child, I began to see where these types of traits come from.
Wanting to give my daughter the best opportunities in life, I put her in the best schools that I can find. In these schools there are not many African-Americans, thus her friends end up being of other races. I in turn put her in sports programs within these same areas, and thus her interaction with other black children is limited. As young black parents become more affluent, and move into areas where the schools are better, the crime rates are low, etc. there constantly is this struggle of trying to “keep it real.” This can only be described as trying to raise your kid in a great environment without losing your “blackness.” I used to hear some people hinting at the fact that President Obama wasn’t “black enough” when he was running for president. What does that mean? Do I have to live in a bad neighborhood, listen to rap music, and brandish a weapon in order to preserve my “blackness,” or can our ideas of “blackness” evolve as the roles of black people in America evolve? Being born in Oakland, California there were tons of black people, so this was a non issue, but as you ventured further out of the cities and into rural America you begin to realize that this is an issue that some parents face on a daily basis. While I am lucky that my daughters school teaches black history, and tolerance, there are schools that either don’t touch the subject, or teach the bare minimum. So the question then becomes how do I raise black children that accept other races, love themselves, and know who they are if I do not live in a predominately black neighborhood, and continue to send them to schools where they are the minority? While I am addressing this as a black parent, there are many multi-racial couples having children. My daughter has friends that are Jewish and Puerto Rican, and Caucasion and Chinese. How do you as a parent raise your kid to embrace both sides of their heritage without feeling ashamed of one, or only clinging to the one that is “popular” at the time. For instance, if you look white, and your part Puerto Rican, it’s easy to only acknowledge your white side when you among your white peers, and then to claim your Puerto Rican side when you are in a group of minorities. How do we raise our children to be proud of their heritages no matter where they are?
Here’s what I have decided to do. I take my kids to play at various parks outside of where we live. These parks don’t have to be in a “bad neighborhood,” they just are in more diverse areas. I also enroll my kids in some sports programs where I know that there will be other black kids on the team. I don’t do this because I want them to just be around black children, I do this because I want them to be able to interact with children from other socio-economic demographics, and to be able to relate to other black children. I also want my children to be able to be as proud of who they are when they are in the majority as they should be when they are in the minority. This means that if there are children of other colors on this predominately black team, I encourage my kids to make them feel welcomed and to interact with them just as they normally would. Here lies the ultimate question. Am I doing this because I am encouraging diversity, or have I been affected by the syndrome that I cited above that makes me want my kids to be in a position where their “blackness” is not being questions? Have I been preconditioned to try and make sure that my kids are “black enough,” and tough enough in our society, or is my take on this situation truly genuine and original? These are all questions that I ask myself when raising my kids, trying to make sure that their point of views remain open, and not skewed because they weren’t afforded the opportunity to interact with other black children. Also, should diversity be something organic, or is it our job as parents to make sure that our children interact with children of all races?